Unknown Seas Mods / NPCs (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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unknown_oosea2020-11-21 09:56 pm
bathymetric) wrote in unknown_oosea2020-11-21 09:56 pm
R2 TDM - boys in the band order boat memes
UNKNOWN SEAS R2
TEST DRIVE MEME
Glad to have you aboard! Gone are the musty old dark tones and anxieties of that creepy underwater facility from the first round - welcome to the lap of luxury on your very own Atlantic Cruise. And we mean your very own, too - there's nobody else aboard! Well, except for the Captain, who broke the news to you when you got up about what you have to do here.
The facilities are all top of the line, even if for some reason you just can't seem to get to the other floors of the ship just yet - there's a gym, a pool, a buffet- wait, scratch that, looks like you're on one of our liners lucky enough to have a tie-in deal with Jimmy Buffett himself, which means you get access to all you can eat at the on-board Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville's Jimmy Buffet!
So make the most of your time! Maybe even get a spooky souvenir from somewhere in the B̴͖̈́e̷̟̊̀ṛ̴̩̑̉m̴̺̪̈̈́u̵̧͛̇d̶̗̱̀̔a̸̧̙͗͝ ̶͖̖͑̚T̴̤͝r̷̩͘i̶̟͎͗̈́a̴͍͗̐n̵̥̆͝g̵̮̳͘l̷͔͑ḛ̸̹͒͗ while you're here.
1. Arise from the depths (of sleep)
Hey, you! You're finally awake! Welcome to your modest accommodations aboard... some kind of cruise ship? Look, there aren't exactly a lot of great accommodations offered aboard cruise ships, you get what you get. There's a bed, there's a little desk, there's a vase of flowers... and a beautiful view of the ocean outside your window!
Hope this isn't, like, wildly different and strange compared to where you just were! Oh, also the whole boat is all decked out for New Year's.
2. Room for all kinds of activities!
If you head out to the decks, or just walk around the ship, there's all kinds of things to see here while you wait for the bodies to start dropping! Feel free to make up whatever facilities you like, gyms or shuffleboard courts or even libraries - the Margaritaville buffet is canon, though. That's your canon food option. Hope you like shrimp!
3. Son of a son of a motive
Another Tuesday, another sealed envelope full of fun! Is this finally something worth killing for to get off this boat? Or is it just something stupid and/or embarrassing? Better ask around!
4. A good friend returns
On one of the decks, next to some regular beverage and food vending machines, is... an unmarked one? It only takes these weird coins that sometimes show up in your rooms at night. Sometimes it gives you things from back home! Sometimes it gives you? Little creepy wooden puppets??
5. Wasting away again in... well, a murder
Oh no! Someone is dead! Did you kill them? Are you trying to get the word out? Did you find the body and really need to calm down? Live your dreams, kill who you wanna kill offscreen!
6. Anything else!
There's all kinds of things you might be doing on a boat like this! Don't feel constrained by the options here - live your murderboat dreams!
Valmont | Jackie Chan Adventures
Age: 36 | Species: Human | Occupation: Crime lord (barely)
Likes: Money, playing with magic for fun and profit
Dislikes: Demons, archaeologists, wearing dresses
Traits: Greedy, spiteful, stubborn
Trivia: Valmont once spent a day as a catboy.
a - arrival
[ It doesn't immediately faze Valmont that he doesn't recognize the room he wakes up in. He's come to in much, much weirder places, and this one seems a lot more pleasant than most. The flowers are a nice touch. And while he doesn't know exactly how he got here, he has a pretty good idea who's to blame for it: ]
Shendu, where on earth did you drag us to this -
[ Wait. There is no Shendu, not anymore. He recalls the demon's banishment from his body in detail - it was only a few days ago, and it's going to be excruciatingly difficult to forget the happy dance he performed immediately afterwards. Besides, for the first time in months he doesn't feel another presence in the back of his head, and when he throws the covers back (did he fall asleep in his suit?) and pokes his head into the bathroom to check, no ghostly draconic face overlays his own in the mirror.
He's alone.
Now's about the time he really starts to get worried. ]
b - activities
[ You know what? Being on a cruise ship is fine, actually. He doesn't care anymore.
All right, the lack of stated destination or ETA is slightly worrying, as is the fact that the ship appears to be entirely unstaffed, save the reclusive Captain. But the facilities are state-of-the-art, the water's beautiful, there's no law enforcement to worry about... All things considered, it beats the hell out of the fish cannery.
So catch him sunning himself on the deck (still in full suit mode, but if he really feels like letting loose, he might loosen his tie), or playing a round or two at the onboard casino (just try to catch him cheating), or oh my god, is that a buffet?!
Look, the guy's been living off instant noodles and tea for months - but even so, it's kind of worrying the gusto with which he's tearing into the food on his multiple piled-high plates. Slow down, dude. It'll still be there tomorrow. ]
c - motive
[ If no one dies this week, something terrible will happen to their loved ones, is that it? ]
A shame. Well, I do wish you all the best of luck with this one!
[ Pffft. He's actually laughing a little as he retrieves his envelope - loved ones are for suckers, come on. What poor saps could they have possibly -
And then he opens it, and his face drains. Oh. Those poor saps, apparently. ]
Oh, come on - you leave my employees out of this! Do you know how hard it is to find decent help these days?!
[ His words say "mildly perturbed". The poorly concealed distress on his face says otherwise. ]
d - vending machine
What in blazes am I supposed to do with this?
[ What is it? Who knows! Is it yours? Maybe! Either way, help a guy out and take it off his hands? ]
e - wild
[ Hit me up at
motive;
Including this white-haired man nearby him. For the moment, he'll leave glancing at who had been threatened on his behalf; maybe it was someone from his family or it was Rygdea or—
Well. That's why he wouldn't be looking at what's inside the envelope right now. ]
...It seems the Captain is really intent on forcing our hands this time. [ ... ] It's likely we won't have to worry about our friends or loved ones.
[ He's insinuating he's sure someone will act, but he didn't look all that happy about it. It's a grim kind of reassurance. ]
no subject
[ It's up to you how much of that you believe, Cid. Especially with how panicked this guy was acting a second ago. ]
That said, if you're implying you plan to make sure this motive goes unrealized, I suppose I ought to commend your forthrightness. If nothing else.
no subject
I suppose I will have no choice but to take your word for it.
[ Surprisingly, he kept the sarcasm far from his voice. Though for the next, maybe not so much. If only because he perceived that he'd been insulted. ]
...I should hope you're not so shortsighted to assume that I'd be declaring my intention to kill someone in front of everyone like this, just because of how thoughtless that would be.
You seemed a much smarter man than to jump to a conclusion like that. Or I suppose that I'm wrong if that is your first thought? It might be barely forgivable if it was your second, but...right now, not so much.
no subject
[ He too seems to assume that someone doing a murder is a foregone conclusion. It's a pattern by now on this ship, and if there's one thing he knows about people who do have friends and loved ones, it's that they can be almost fanatically protective of them. You see these things a lot in action when your main nemeses are an uncle and niece duo. ]
no subject
[ His expression became less tight but not by much because this was still a shitty situation. Moreover, knowing what they'll need to face this coming weekened...but anyway, he wasn't so far in his own thoughts that he didn't hear what sounded like denial.
Which really wasn't a river in Egypt. ]
Well, I'm sure it'll still be inconvenient to have to replace employees at the least. Though if I had to speak more frankly, I'd much prefer if our incorrigible Captain had the air in front of him replaced with a fist so that when he stepped forward he would walk into it.
[ That was far less funnier and elegant than it was in his head, but...quite an image, no? ]
no subject
[ Denial? Him? Never. Unrelatedly, the idea that his men might have stuck around for so long because they actually like him doesn't seem to have crossed his mind.
When Cid busts out the bit about putting a fist in the Captain's face, Valmont just... stares for a moment. A long moment. Then one side of his mouth slowly quirks upward in an unpleasant smirk. ]
Well, your delivery may need a bit of work, but I do like the way you think. It would be no more than our good Captain deserves, I should wager. Do refresh my memory; is that sort of thing possible in your world? Air-to-fist transmutation, things like that?
Vending Machine Woes
Mister Valmont? What is that?
no subject
Dashed if I know! This is the sort of thing people your age are interested in, isn't it? I'm sure it would be much more at home in your cabin, here -
[ And he tries to shove the poster into Mash's arms. ]
motive
[ Strong Bad's got his own envelope in his gloves, and though it's hard to tell, he seems pretty similarly distraught. At least tonally. ]
I don't know. Wigs me out.
no subject
Oh, I think I have some idea. These three are the last remnants of my criminal empire - my only loyal men, apparently. It's amazing how quickly the help deserts you over such petty quibbles as "getting paid on time" and "not wanting to fight a dragon".
[ He's still salty about that second one. Quitting is one thing; defecting to the good side is quite another. And he liked having Tohru around. Useful when you needed to reach things on high shelves. ]
no subject
Yeah, right? Dragon fights are the worst, but you know what's even more the worst? When they can't draw dragons, and they turn your cool design into real lame lookin' ones. Hard bein' the only one with the brains sometimes.
[His motive has Strong Mad and The Cheat, but honestly? He's pretty sure Strong Mad would just bodyslam the Captain and be done with it. So he's not too worried.]
Also when they don't want to help you with your arson and such. That's pretty crud. That's super crud.
no subject
...I can't say either I or my employees have ever attempted to draw this particular dragon. That I know of.
[ He wouldn't put it past Ratso. ]
Arson, is it? A tad crude, but I can't find fault with taking enjoyment in wanton destruction. If I may say so, it sounds as if your employees are sorely lacking in a sense of fun.
[ Come on, who doesn't like setting stuff on fire? ]
no subject
Yeah, you probably wouldn't have. You would have been there - on the internet watchin' Flash in the good ol two thousand of threes.
[Stop talking about Flash, Strong Bad.]
Nah, they just happen' to prefer me not setting Homestar on fire. Something about not offing the main character. I'd totally trade em for your guys if we get out of this. They're real reliable, and they do whatever I say, so you know it's a cheap as free trade for your dragon-destroyin dudes.
[Now is also not a good time to negotiate a henchman trade, Strong Bad.]
no subject
I find that quite unlikely, considering it's the year 2001 where I come from. But I suppose that, should we ever return to our worlds, I shall have to keep an eye out for your... internet dragon-related fame in the next few years.
[ He won't. No more dragons. Society has progressed past the need for dragons. ]
I'm sorry, is the point of being a villain not to destroy those styling themselves as protagonists? Lord knows I'd have been perfectly happy to set Chan on fire, if the man would hold still for two seconds. And regrettably, one of the many failings of my men is that they weren't capable of destroying said dragon... though given the trouble he got up to after he was shuffled off the mortal coil, I'm inclined to be a little more lenient about it these days.
...Tell me more about yours, though. If they're as competent as you say they are, perhaps an arrangement can be negotiated.
[ He's listening. He makes no promises, and he'd probably break them if he did, but he's listening. ]
no subject
Yeah, 2001 wasn't really the best o' times, but neither was it the worst a' times. That's the year I startin' answerin emails, but it was also the year we brought out Homsar. So kind of a mixed soggy bag all around. We really hit our stride with the dragon email.
[...this is the peril of talking to a fourth wall-breaking wrestleman aware of his own dated internet infamy. He's just going to talk gibberish at Valmont that only we really understand.]
Believe me, nothing makes me happier than introducing Homestar to a hefty dose of fist-in-face. But at some point you gotta start askin' yourself - is plotting plots taking away from my ability to meet hot babes or make sarcastic comments on @StrongBadActual on www.twitter.com? I'm an old man, man. I'm gonna be collectin' royalties for the rest of my life, so I 'unno, maybe my guys have a [grrrruggghhh] point.
Oh! Yeah, they're both big and bad. One of 'em is The Cheat, who likes to The Cheat, and the other is Strong Mad, who's as tall as...tall.
(no subject)
d.
You should keep it! It's like a little souvenir, don't you think?
[ it's a plastic knife, like those you'd get from arcade prizes, signed jack the ripper. ]
no subject
A souvenir of what, precisely? Perhaps if it were genuine it would be worth something, but for some reason I have difficulty believing this to be the handwriting of the actual Jack the Ripper. And I certainly don't need a memento of our time on this murder-ship, if that's what you're thinking. The lasting trauma ought to be enough.
[ Every time he gets to enjoy a little bit of luxury. Every damn time. ]
motive
[...................knifecat look]
What a pity. It seems you all were horribly unlucky.
no subject
[ He hastily tries to rearrange his face back into mild displeasure. Don't think about how the Captain got that photo. Don't think about their faces. ]
Am I to take it that our illustrious Captain was unable to find anyone suitable for you, then?
no subject
Well, whatever you say, it is still more effective than giving me someone I actively despise. Really, now, they can have him.
no subject
[ Valmont peers over Jasper's shoulder, trying to get a glimpse of what the unfortunate fellow in question might look like. Sue him, he's curious. ]
All right, I'll grant you it's an unorthodox choice in a hostage situation. If you're inclined to share, what on earth did this gentleman do to earn your ire?
no subject
How long do you feel like listening, exactly? I have a whole litany of grievances, and we could be here for quite some time.
no subject
Mm, I do have a bit of room in my schedule between this laughable attempt at blackmail and the next inevitable murder. Regale me.
[ Hell, maybe he can hijack the grievance session into an opportunity to complain about his own various nemeses. It'll be cathartic for everyone. ]
(no subject)
C
[This apparent moral outrage on Valmont's behalf seems a bit unusual-]
They've had enough having to work with Belmont already!
[There it is.]