Unknown Seas Mods / NPCs (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bathymetric) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
unknown_oosea2020-11-21 09:56 pm
bathymetric) wrote in unknown_oosea2020-11-21 09:56 pm
R2 TDM - boys in the band order boat memes
UNKNOWN SEAS R2
TEST DRIVE MEME
Glad to have you aboard! Gone are the musty old dark tones and anxieties of that creepy underwater facility from the first round - welcome to the lap of luxury on your very own Atlantic Cruise. And we mean your very own, too - there's nobody else aboard! Well, except for the Captain, who broke the news to you when you got up about what you have to do here.
The facilities are all top of the line, even if for some reason you just can't seem to get to the other floors of the ship just yet - there's a gym, a pool, a buffet- wait, scratch that, looks like you're on one of our liners lucky enough to have a tie-in deal with Jimmy Buffett himself, which means you get access to all you can eat at the on-board Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville's Jimmy Buffet!
So make the most of your time! Maybe even get a spooky souvenir from somewhere in the B̴͖̈́e̷̟̊̀ṛ̴̩̑̉m̴̺̪̈̈́u̵̧͛̇d̶̗̱̀̔a̸̧̙͗͝ ̶͖̖͑̚T̴̤͝r̷̩͘i̶̟͎͗̈́a̴͍͗̐n̵̥̆͝g̵̮̳͘l̷͔͑ḛ̸̹͒͗ while you're here.
1. Arise from the depths (of sleep)
Hey, you! You're finally awake! Welcome to your modest accommodations aboard... some kind of cruise ship? Look, there aren't exactly a lot of great accommodations offered aboard cruise ships, you get what you get. There's a bed, there's a little desk, there's a vase of flowers... and a beautiful view of the ocean outside your window!
Hope this isn't, like, wildly different and strange compared to where you just were! Oh, also the whole boat is all decked out for New Year's.
2. Room for all kinds of activities!
If you head out to the decks, or just walk around the ship, there's all kinds of things to see here while you wait for the bodies to start dropping! Feel free to make up whatever facilities you like, gyms or shuffleboard courts or even libraries - the Margaritaville buffet is canon, though. That's your canon food option. Hope you like shrimp!
3. Son of a son of a motive
Another Tuesday, another sealed envelope full of fun! Is this finally something worth killing for to get off this boat? Or is it just something stupid and/or embarrassing? Better ask around!
4. A good friend returns
On one of the decks, next to some regular beverage and food vending machines, is... an unmarked one? It only takes these weird coins that sometimes show up in your rooms at night. Sometimes it gives you things from back home! Sometimes it gives you? Little creepy wooden puppets??
5. Wasting away again in... well, a murder
Oh no! Someone is dead! Did you kill them? Are you trying to get the word out? Did you find the body and really need to calm down? Live your dreams, kill who you wanna kill offscreen!
6. Anything else!
There's all kinds of things you might be doing on a boat like this! Don't feel constrained by the options here - live your murderboat dreams!
no subject
Yeah, you probably wouldn't have. You would have been there - on the internet watchin' Flash in the good ol two thousand of threes.
[Stop talking about Flash, Strong Bad.]
Nah, they just happen' to prefer me not setting Homestar on fire. Something about not offing the main character. I'd totally trade em for your guys if we get out of this. They're real reliable, and they do whatever I say, so you know it's a cheap as free trade for your dragon-destroyin dudes.
[Now is also not a good time to negotiate a henchman trade, Strong Bad.]
no subject
I find that quite unlikely, considering it's the year 2001 where I come from. But I suppose that, should we ever return to our worlds, I shall have to keep an eye out for your... internet dragon-related fame in the next few years.
[ He won't. No more dragons. Society has progressed past the need for dragons. ]
I'm sorry, is the point of being a villain not to destroy those styling themselves as protagonists? Lord knows I'd have been perfectly happy to set Chan on fire, if the man would hold still for two seconds. And regrettably, one of the many failings of my men is that they weren't capable of destroying said dragon... though given the trouble he got up to after he was shuffled off the mortal coil, I'm inclined to be a little more lenient about it these days.
...Tell me more about yours, though. If they're as competent as you say they are, perhaps an arrangement can be negotiated.
[ He's listening. He makes no promises, and he'd probably break them if he did, but he's listening. ]
no subject
Yeah, 2001 wasn't really the best o' times, but neither was it the worst a' times. That's the year I startin' answerin emails, but it was also the year we brought out Homsar. So kind of a mixed soggy bag all around. We really hit our stride with the dragon email.
[...this is the peril of talking to a fourth wall-breaking wrestleman aware of his own dated internet infamy. He's just going to talk gibberish at Valmont that only we really understand.]
Believe me, nothing makes me happier than introducing Homestar to a hefty dose of fist-in-face. But at some point you gotta start askin' yourself - is plotting plots taking away from my ability to meet hot babes or make sarcastic comments on @StrongBadActual on www.twitter.com? I'm an old man, man. I'm gonna be collectin' royalties for the rest of my life, so I 'unno, maybe my guys have a [grrrruggghhh] point.
Oh! Yeah, they're both big and bad. One of 'em is The Cheat, who likes to The Cheat, and the other is Strong Mad, who's as tall as...tall.
no subject
[ He's not even annoyed, although he gets the feeling he really should be. He's just. Puzzled. Who is this guy? ]
However, if I am interpreting you correctly, and that's rather a substantial "if", you're considering leaving your life of crime behind you. Far be it from me to counsel you against that; who knows? If we were to engage in this hypothetical employee swap, mine certainly couldn't be any worse at honest work than they currently manage to be at the dishonest kind. Which doesn't mean I've yet agreed to this arrangement, especially considering it would be a three-for-two trade. You'll have to sell me on yours with a tad more specificity than "tall".
[ That bit about royalties didn't pass him by, either. So the gentleman's not doing too poorly for himself, is he? A fun fact to file away for if they ever get off this stupid murdership. ]