R2 TDM - boys in the band order boat memes

[bathymetric]

Hello and welcome to the...



UNKNOWN SEAS R2
TEST DRIVE MEME

Glad to have you aboard! Gone are the musty old dark tones and anxieties of that creepy underwater facility from the first round - welcome to the lap of luxury on your very own Atlantic Cruise. And we mean your very own, too - there's nobody else aboard! Well, except for the Captain, who broke the news to you when you got up about what you have to do here.

The facilities are all top of the line, even if for some reason you just can't seem to get to the other floors of the ship just yet - there's a gym, a pool, a buffet- wait, scratch that, looks like you're on one of our liners lucky enough to have a tie-in deal with Jimmy Buffett himself, which means you get access to all you can eat at the on-board Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville's Jimmy Buffet!

So make the most of your time! Maybe even get a spooky souvenir from somewhere in the B̴͖̈́e̷̟̊̀ṛ̴̩̑̉m̴̺̪̈̈́u̵̧͛̇d̶̗̱̀̔a̸̧̙͗͝ ̶͖̖͑̚T̴̤͝r̷̩͘i̶̟͎͗̈́a̴͍͗̐n̵̥̆͝g̵̮̳͘l̷͔͑ḛ̸̹͒͗ while you're here.

1. Arise from the depths (of sleep)

Hey, you! You're finally awake! Welcome to your modest accommodations aboard... some kind of cruise ship? Look, there aren't exactly a lot of great accommodations offered aboard cruise ships, you get what you get. There's a bed, there's a little desk, there's a vase of flowers... and a beautiful view of the ocean outside your window!

Hope this isn't, like, wildly different and strange compared to where you just were! Oh, also the whole boat is all decked out for New Year's.

2. Room for all kinds of activities!

If you head out to the decks, or just walk around the ship, there's all kinds of things to see here while you wait for the bodies to start dropping! Feel free to make up whatever facilities you like, gyms or shuffleboard courts or even libraries - the Margaritaville buffet is canon, though. That's your canon food option. Hope you like shrimp!

3. Son of a son of a motive

Another Tuesday, another sealed envelope full of fun! Is this finally something worth killing for to get off this boat? Or is it just something stupid and/or embarrassing? Better ask around!

4. A good friend returns

On one of the decks, next to some regular beverage and food vending machines, is... an unmarked one? It only takes these weird coins that sometimes show up in your rooms at night. Sometimes it gives you things from back home! Sometimes it gives you? Little creepy wooden puppets??

5. Wasting away again in... well, a murder

Oh no! Someone is dead! Did you kill them? Are you trying to get the word out? Did you find the body and really need to calm down? Live your dreams, kill who you wanna kill offscreen!

6. Anything else!

There's all kinds of things you might be doing on a boat like this! Don't feel constrained by the options here - live your murderboat dreams!

Comments

Shard | Sonic (Archie Comics)

[sharddrive]

Name: Shard | The Shadow
Age: Yes | Species: Metal Sonic | Occupation: Secret Freedom Fighter
Likes: Chili dogs, speed, Nicole
Dislikes: His family, isolation, being buried alive
Traits: Direct, reckless, sarcastic
Trivia: Shard has been destroyed and rebuilt three times.

»Arise«
[Okay, waking up on a boat with no memories of arriving is pretty weird. Especially since he doesn't actually need to sleep. And none of his weapons or boosters seem to be working.]

[That's probably a problem.]

[He's moving cautiously around the ship, trying to stay out of sight; there's a lot of Overlanders here, and no one from Station Square is likely to react well to meeting an Eggman robot no matter how charming he tries to make his approach.]

[So if you're one of the many humans on board, you might catch a glimpse of him peeking around a corner before ducking back out of sight.]

[If you're somehow obviously NOT human there's a chance Shard will approach you, trying to look as non-threatening as is possible for a sharply polished weapon of war to be.]

Hey, any idea where the Little Bots Room is? I must've missed the chance to grab a map when I came on board and the crew seems pretty scarce right now.

»Activities«
[Shard has no need or ability to eat food, but here he is carting a plate of shrimp out of the buffet.]

[He takes them to the edge of the deck and starts tossing them overboard one at a time.]

Eat up, guys.

[Spoken, apparently, to the seagulls following the ship's wake and diving to snatch the shrimp out of the air or from the foaming surf as they arc down to the sea.]

Don't suppose any of you nerds can talk, huh?

[And later on, he can be found in the ship's arcade, carefully inspecting the machines.]

Okay smartbot, one of these have to have some kind of network connection, right? Just need to find it.

»Motive«
You're kidding, right?

[Shard isn't showing off the photo that was in his envelope, but he's not making any effort to hide it, either.]

Harder losers than you have tried, and they all got spanked hard and ran off crying.

»Friend«
[Shard is standing in front of the vending machine, dead-eyeing the crudely stitched doll of- what is this? It's some kind of animal with two tails, at least.]

I feel like I'm being mocked.

»Wasting Away«
Well. Hm.

[There's no mistaking the body, even with the extensive damage to the head and face. Dr. Robotnik, the Eggman, is dead.]

I'd be lying if I said this didn't mean some mixed feelings. Or that they'd be slightly less mixed if I didn't know I'm gonna be prime suspect here.

»Wildcard«
[Come at me.]

vending machine

[onlyyoucan]

[Even the person who spends 90% of her time in here linefacing has to stare and blink at that doll.]

What is that? Is it yours?

[sharddrive]

Not mine, no. But it kind of looks like-

[He turns the doll over to examine it better. Seems kind of weighty for a plush toy.]

Well, "a friend" is definitely too strong a word. Someone I knew from home.

[onlyyoucan]

...I see. So it's probably from there, right? I don't think the Captain made all these things. Maybe some of them.

[sharddrive]

Makes sense. These guys shanghaied all of us, no reason they couldn't do it to other stuff.

[He gives the doll's antenna an idle flick.]

Might as well hang onto it. If nothing else I can hide it places and try to scare that Valmont guy.

[onlyyoucan]

[The side of Sara's mouth quirks and she stifles down a laugh.]

He does seem... easily surprised. ...Why, though? Why try to have fun someplace like this?

[sharddrive]

This place clearly has a bunch of clowns in charge, might as well treat it like a circus.

[onlyyoucan]

If you look at a situation where you could die and don't take it seriously, that "can" becomes a "will." Everyone should know that.

[sharddrive]

Sara, I could die at any time wherever I am. Maybe not as easily as a lot of you, but I could, and I dunno what the odds are on it not sticking for a fourth time, so given all that I'd rather have a little fun along the way.

[He might be gripping the doll a little hard.]

[onlyyoucan]

But -- !

[She raises her voice, flinches, and looks off, hardening her facial expression again.]

...Everyone said they weren't going to play along, and look what's going on now. What else is there to do?

[sharddrive]

And what good would it do to be miserable? I can watch my back AND yours and anyone else's I care about AND make Valmont scream like a toddler if I want.

[Yeah the Tails Doll is definitely serving as a stress ball right now.]

I'm not burdened by fleshy limitations, it makes me better at multitasking. It's okay if you're a little jealous.

[onlyyoucan]

It's not jealousy!

[She snaps before taking a deep breath and shaking.]

You say it doesn't do anything to be miserable, but why? When you don't want anybody else to die and you know they're going to anyway...

[sharddrive]

[Dangit, she's having an actual emotion. Now Shard just feels bad.]

Hey, what part of "I can watch everyone's backs" did you miss?

[onlyyoucan]

...I know you're sure of that. But sometimes it's not enough even to be the best.

[sharddrive]

Good news, I'm better than the best.

[That's probably not going to make her feel better, is it.]

...You should worry more about yourself, anyway.

[onlyyoucan]

[She shakes her head, but doesn't press it further. It's a moment before she says anything else.]

Have you gotten anything else that's yours out of the machine?

[sharddrive]

[It's fine, this definitely isn't a deathflaggy conversation for either of them.]

Nothing else I recognize, no.

[He doesn't exactly own much, so maybe that's not surprising.]

How about you, any fun little reminders or veiled threats about home?

[onlyyoucan]

...Not much. Not something important. Do you think they would?

[sharddrive]

Well, sure, they MIGHT draw the line at theft and threatening after kidnapping twenty people from across the multiverse.

[That came out a little mean.]

[onlyyoucan]

I know they could. Whether they'd bother is another thing... or give the important things back through this machine.

Friend

[feudalladyshandmaid]

You too, huh?

[Never mind the crudely stitched princess doll nestled safely in her arms. That doesn't matter. Why are you looking at it??]

Honestly, where do they find the time?

[sharddrive]

You'd be surprised how much time lunatics like this can sink into being petty and creepy.

[He should tell you some of the shit Eggman's gotten up to in the name of fucking with Sonic.]

[feudalladyshandmaid]

Oh no, I know how much time people like this can sink, trust me.

[Cass... you're not like this. C'mon.]

Think they could have done a better job with these dolls though...

[sharddrive]

Maybe it's supposed to be part of the mockery. Like sure, you can have this weird reminder of home, but it's a badly made one.

[feudalladyshandmaid]

Feels like more work on their part than it's worth. [She's not putting the doll down though.] How long do you think these must have taken?