R2 TDM - boys in the band order boat memes

[bathymetric]

Hello and welcome to the...



UNKNOWN SEAS R2
TEST DRIVE MEME

Glad to have you aboard! Gone are the musty old dark tones and anxieties of that creepy underwater facility from the first round - welcome to the lap of luxury on your very own Atlantic Cruise. And we mean your very own, too - there's nobody else aboard! Well, except for the Captain, who broke the news to you when you got up about what you have to do here.

The facilities are all top of the line, even if for some reason you just can't seem to get to the other floors of the ship just yet - there's a gym, a pool, a buffet- wait, scratch that, looks like you're on one of our liners lucky enough to have a tie-in deal with Jimmy Buffett himself, which means you get access to all you can eat at the on-board Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville's Jimmy Buffet!

So make the most of your time! Maybe even get a spooky souvenir from somewhere in the B̴͖̈́e̷̟̊̀ṛ̴̩̑̉m̴̺̪̈̈́u̵̧͛̇d̶̗̱̀̔a̸̧̙͗͝ ̶͖̖͑̚T̴̤͝r̷̩͘i̶̟͎͗̈́a̴͍͗̐n̵̥̆͝g̵̮̳͘l̷͔͑ḛ̸̹͒͗ while you're here.

1. Arise from the depths (of sleep)

Hey, you! You're finally awake! Welcome to your modest accommodations aboard... some kind of cruise ship? Look, there aren't exactly a lot of great accommodations offered aboard cruise ships, you get what you get. There's a bed, there's a little desk, there's a vase of flowers... and a beautiful view of the ocean outside your window!

Hope this isn't, like, wildly different and strange compared to where you just were! Oh, also the whole boat is all decked out for New Year's.

2. Room for all kinds of activities!

If you head out to the decks, or just walk around the ship, there's all kinds of things to see here while you wait for the bodies to start dropping! Feel free to make up whatever facilities you like, gyms or shuffleboard courts or even libraries - the Margaritaville buffet is canon, though. That's your canon food option. Hope you like shrimp!

3. Son of a son of a motive

Another Tuesday, another sealed envelope full of fun! Is this finally something worth killing for to get off this boat? Or is it just something stupid and/or embarrassing? Better ask around!

4. A good friend returns

On one of the decks, next to some regular beverage and food vending machines, is... an unmarked one? It only takes these weird coins that sometimes show up in your rooms at night. Sometimes it gives you things from back home! Sometimes it gives you? Little creepy wooden puppets??

5. Wasting away again in... well, a murder

Oh no! Someone is dead! Did you kill them? Are you trying to get the word out? Did you find the body and really need to calm down? Live your dreams, kill who you wanna kill offscreen!

6. Anything else!

There's all kinds of things you might be doing on a boat like this! Don't feel constrained by the options here - live your murderboat dreams!

Comments

Data | Star Trek: The Next Generation

[ltcommandroid]

Name: Data | The Real Boy
Age: 32 | Species: Android | Occupation: Starfleet officer
Likes: Humanity, art, Spot
Dislikes: Violence, injustice, losing control
Traits: Curious, calm, loyal
Trivia: Data is currently the only Soong-type android in existence!

i. room for activities

[Even if we have all been kidnapped, we're still on a beautiful cruise ship! It's sunny out! There's a pool! People could totally have a good time here until someone inevitably ends up dead! 

Despite all of this, Data is currently sitting at the poolside, reading a book. He's reading it pretty fast, in fact; he's brought a whole stack. Don't worry, though, he's more than willing to get into the spirit of things! He's also wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and sunglasses that he's dug out of somewhere or other. Look! He's doing the thing!]

ii. wasting away again

[Oh, no! It looks like someone has stabbed Evan Hansen several times! How absolutely tragic!

Upon finding the body, Data smoothly kneels down next to the body and feels for a pulse. It looks bad, but humans can survive a great deal; it's good to make sure.]

...he is dead.

[Yeah, no huge reaction here. Hope that doesn't make him look bad???]

iii. the BEST FRIEND

[Thus far, Data has only received random items from the unmarked vending machine, most of which have been completely useless. Still, he keeps on putting in all the coins he receives. Maybe it'll drop something worthwhile at some point.

Whatever he might have anticipated, it surely was not just a whole-ass cat. Out of a vending machine.]

Spot!

[You'll see Data crouching down to gently help extract the cat (an orange tabby) from the little flap at the bottom of the machine, then hold her to his chest as he rises again. She plants her paws on his shoulder, seemingly quite at home here.]

How long have you been inside this machine? Are you injured? [He holds her out to inspect her. She's totally fine, ftr.]

i

[galalass]

Excuse me. Were you done with this one?

[Mash is tentatively picking up 'The Complete Sherlock Holmes' from what she really hopes is Data's 'read' pile.]

[ltcommandroid]

I am.

[He looks up from his book, apparently just fine with being bothered. He's been running through these a bit slower than is technically possible for him; after all, even at this rate, he is going to run out fairly quickly. He would like to prolong things.]

Are you familiar with Sherlock Holmes?

[galalass]

Oh yes! I've actually read most of his stories before, but something familiar sounds nice right now.

[Also maybe, desperately, re-reading Holmes' exploits will help her channel his analytic ability a bit, maybe gain some flash of insight into the impossibilities and improbabilities of their situation.]

[ltcommandroid]

[activated]

I have always found them to be intellectually stimulating. On the Enterprise, I have a holodeck program that will generate new Holmes-style mysteries to be solved.

[We don't gotta talk about how we brought Moriarty to life and all the weird fallout of that! LARPing!]

[galalass]

Holodeck, is that some kind of simulator?

[Sounds a little like Chaldea's combat simulator, but far more advanced, if it's capable of generating full mystery scenarios like that.]

[And yes, definitely no need to discuss how real or not Moriarty might be, and who he did or didn't become a weird pseudo-father-figure to. That would be ridiculous.]

ii

[onlyyoucan]

[Sara shakes her head and kneels next to the body, looking it over.]

...He's been here since last night, hasn't he? And we didn't even hear it.

[ltcommandroid]

[Data's hands move over the body, checking for rigor mortis and a few other signs. He doesn't have much real-world experience in this, but when you spend as much time as he does LARPing as Sherlock Holmes, you do work out how to investigate a crime scene.]

I would estimate he has been dead for at least six hours. Everyone else on the ship had likely been asleep for some time.

[Including himself; he's continued sleeping regularly since coming here despite the encouragements towards murder. He'd hoped it wouldn't happen, at least not so quickly. It hasn't even been that long.]

Perhaps I should refrain from sleeping in the future.

[onlyyoucan]

[She glares, but not at anyone specific, and shuts her eyes for a second.]

Someone was desperate to get out. I don't see the knife anywhere, so they're probably hiding it on them or in their room.

[ltcommandroid]

It would have been wiser to hide it somewhere, or throw it overboard.

[Searching everyone for secret knives is a pretty basic step here, after all.

Data moves to start tearing open Evan's shirt, the better to examine the wounds, and then glances over at Sara.]

I can examine the body on my own. It is not necessary for you to stay.

[onlyyoucan]

...

[Just as she mulls this over, the body announcement goes off. She doesn't respond until it's over.]

It's like he said. We have to find out who did it. ...I can look. Even if they might have thrown the evidence overboard, there has to be something they left behind.

i

[hypnowhip]

[This is an incredible sight to behold and Sylvando is so charmed.]

Why, Data-darling! All you need is a fancy cocktail and you'd fit right in at Puerto Valor's beachside! Though...do androids need to eat or drink, really?

[The only talking machines that he's familiar with are monsters, and Data's definitely not like them. He's more than curious to learn about androids.]

[ltcommandroid]

Only rarely. At times, I consume a specially-formulated lubricant to maintain my biofunctions.

[There's none of that here, but it's fine, he doesn't need it all the time.]

But as I lack a sense of taste, I do not often eat or drink outside of that necessity.

[hypnowhip]

[He gets the idea well enough. All machines need to be well-oiled!

Still, though...]

Well that's a shame. That you can't taste, I mean! There are so many good tastes out there! Did your creator ever say why they didn't give you that sense?

[ltcommandroid]

He did not. But I was only able to speak with him briefly before his death. It is possible that he only perfected that technology after my creation.

[He did, clearly, but that's all part of a secret which Data has chosen to keep. Which means not spilling it to randos he meets on a cruise ship, sorry.]

[hypnowhip]

[That's absolutely fair! And considering the answer, uh...Sylvando definitely wouldn't pry, either. Oof.]

Oh... So it's not exactly something that could ever be implemented, even if he had.

I'm sorry, Data.

ii - wasting away

[sharddrive]

Woof, yeah. People tend to die when they're killed.

[Man that's a lot of blood. Shard looks over the wounds on Evan's body.]

COULD be an accident. Theoretically. He might've been trying to cook something and just kind of tripped into the knife once or ten times.

[ltcommandroid]

Unlikely. I do not see the knife in the immediate vicinity.

[Althoughhhhhh...let's look at this dead Evan! Data's good at bodytouching, he can measure shit accurately with his eyeballs.]

But one of the kitchen knives could have caused these wounds.

[sharddrive]

Remind me to teach you about jokes once we're not in danger of being sent to the scrap heap by whatever kangaroo court they've got set up for us here.

[Honestly both of them are pretty good candidates for bodytouching, for similar reasons. Or at least bodyscanning.]

Could have, yeah. Took a couple hits though, someone really wanted to make sure the kid was dead. Or they couldn't hit a vital spot.

[ltcommandroid]

I have tried to learn about jokes before. Humor is a human experience that continues to elude me.

[It's a little bit discouraging, except he doesn't have emotions so obviously it's just...a setback. Data briefly considers testing one of the jokes he learned on Shard, but determines that it would be inappropriate in this context.]

It could indicate a lack of combat skill. He would have been a logical target in that case. It could have also been a particularly emotional encounter. [A brief pause, as he inspects Evan's hands.] I do not see any signs that he struck back.

[sharddrive]

Our culprit got the drop on him, then.

[Or it was someone Evan wouldn't want to hurt? But if someone were coming at him with a knife it'd feel weird to not fight back at ALL.]

...Don't worry about it too much, every comedy act needs a straight man.

III

[oceangirlfriend]

Ah, is this your companion? [Adeline's lips quirk up a little at seeing his concern for the cat.] It looks well-fed, from what I can see myself.

[ltcommandroid]

Yes, this is Spot. Spot, this is Adeline.

[He nods at her for Spot, who Regards.]

You are correct. She does not appear to have lost any weight. Perhaps this machine employs some form of stasis.

[oceangirlfriend]

[Adeline gives Spot an affectionate smile, holding out a hand to be Sniffed.]

I suppose it could be a larger version of the stasis that Pokeballs employ. That would also explain why the food items it dispenses are always fresh.

[ltcommandroid]

I had thought it might employ replicator technology, until now.

[Though it dispenses random things, you could certainly make a replicator do that if you wanted, for some reason. Spot leans forward to dispense a Sniff.]

Spot is very particular about human company. It seems that she likes you. [Though of course, you aren't catsitting right now.]